Life After Marathon

As much as running the marathon hurt for the last ten miles or so, Sunday had to be one of the most painful days of my life. The only events I can think of that compare include last year when I got rhabdomyolysis (probably) from a combination of too much physical activity and a medication I was on, and the first time I got a herpst (fun fact: I’ve had braces three times and a herpst twice, starting at age 8).

My plans for Sunday weren’t that ambitious; I had vague ambitions of studying some statistics for my upcoming final… I think that’s all, other than things like eating. When I woke up on Sunday however, it was clear that none of these things were going to happen (I did end up being able to eat some, but even that was a stretch).

Lesson learned: the night after running a marathon isn’t the best time to go get drunk and wind up sleeping on a friend’s couch. It was totally worth it, because I got to spend some quality time with Chris and Amanda, but it definitely delayed the recovery process slightly. Sunday morning I woke up and somehow made it back home so I could sleep for five more hours. Then I moved to the couch so I could watch tv for a little bit but then moved back to bed, and that was my day. Somewhere in there was a bath and some blogging.

The worst part by far was going to the bathroom. There’s no good way to sit down on the toilet when you have no use of your quads, so when your quads are hurting just by lying there/existing, going to the bathroom is almost impossible. Yesterday I was finally able to do this without pain, so things are looking up.

Hal Higdon told me not to run at all until four days after the marathon. I got bored of that and cheated by doing a 1.5 mile run a day early. So far nothing bad has happened because of it. I’m also amazed that my shin has completely stopped hurting. I think the marathon cured it.

And now for something completely different.

Yesterday I came across this article called “50 No-Sweat Ways to Burn Calories.” Before even reading it, I was upset that it was in the women’s health section of this website. I guess it makes sense though, because all women desperately want to lose weight, but none of us can be bothered to actually workout so we need handy solutions like chewing gum all the time to keep us skinny.

A lot of their genius ways of burning calories are obvious, and don’t need to be put in a stupid list. Things like getting enough sleep, eating breakfast, and drinking a lot of water. Others were unbelievably stupid, some even offensive. Like these ones:

26. Go on a date.
Women tend to order foods with fewer calories when dining with a man (who’s not a long-term significant other), compared with when they eat with other women, according to a study conducted at McMaster University in Hamilton, Canada.

This one might actually explain why I don’t have a boyfriend, because apparently I didn’t get the memo about not eating as much as I want when I’m on a date. But really, if you’re going on dates for the sole purpose of trying not to eat so much, you might want to re-evaluate your life. Not that I think anyone’s doing that, this article is just insanely dumb. I have also never heard of a guy being impressed with a girl for how little she eats, so I’m upset that msnbc is encouraging this.

29. Wear stilettos
“Every few days, I’ll wear the highest heels I own,” says Decker. “It helps tone my legs, because they work different muscles in my calves and thighs.”

This one is just wrong. Maybe short-term you’ll burn a few extra calories by wearing extremely uncomfortable shoes, but you know what doesn’t help burn calories? Not being able to walk or run because you have horrible bunions and then have to stay off your feet for like a month to get surgery to correct them when you’re sixty years old.

38. Pop a pill
People taking supplements with glutamine after meals burned an average of 20 more calories than those taking a placebo in a study at Iowa State University in Ames.

With a few exceptions, I am extremely anti-supplements. Most natural supplements have not been proven to do anything, some of them proven to do nothing, and more importantly, they’re not FDA regulated. This means that they were made from wherever, and have often be found to have things like heavy metals in them (heavy metals are bad for you).

39. Keep your blow-dryer at the health club
“I have a client who swears that this motivates her to work out,” says Slayton.

Your client sucks.

45. Swing your arms
“The more parts of your body that you use simultaneously, the more you burn,” says Zukerman.

And guys will want to date you way more if you swing your arms. Especially if you do it while eating a low-calorie meal.

49. Sit up
When watching TV, “get in the habit of holding your body straight,” says Slayton.

I swear, you can totally burn calories while you’re sitting on your ass doing nothing!

I hate shit like this so much. First, it sends the message that all women want to/need to/ought to lose weight. The sad part is that in this country, it’s actually kind of true. But it’s frustrating when you’re trying to feel good about yourself, and are in shape, yet you continue to be constantly bombarded by messages telling you otherwise. Secondly, articles like this make it seem like getting in shape can be done without actually exercising. This is untrue.

Here’s an article I’ve written for women that I think is more appropriate (it can even be applied to men as well!):

Stop being so lazy and exercise a bunch. Also, don’t eat too much.

Will anyone peer review this for me?

Miles run last week: 3.5
Miles run in 2010: 429.5